Among the overwhelming mass of new television on tonight, one of the more anticipated shows is ABC’s new Lost-esque drama FlashForward. Much like the blurry visions of the future that establish the show’s premise, I have already seen the pilot. (In appropriately blurry, too-pixilated form).

Nothing jump starts the action like a mega-disaster

Joseph Fiennes as...actually, I don't remember his name. That bodes well.

The idea, in case you haven’t been subjected to the blanket of teasers ABC has laid over the entire network, is that for two minutes and seventeen seconds one lovely fall day, everyone falls over and sees two minutes of their future. Because the entire population has lost consciousness, they all wake up in a world where every plane in the sky crashed and every car on the road crashed and every James-Bond-chase-scene-esque fruit cart crashed with another brightly colored fruit cart and now there are oranges and dead bodies everywhere. Cue our heightening collective paranoia about the apocalypse. The main character, an FBI agent played by Joseph Fiennes, sees clues about the flash forward, and presumably will spend at least the next season investigating them. There are also doctors, nervous men sitting around polished conference tables, gruff AA members, a cute freaky/prophetic child, and at least one gratuitously hot babysitter.

Also like Lost, wacky animals make an appearance

Having only seen the first episode, I can’t quite decide whether the show has promise. My gut is no, largely because the parallels with Lost are overpowering. The all-encompassing disaster that sets off the entire show, the over-dramatic lines that take twice too long to utter and always end the scene, the tortured male authority figure/leader/main character… it all feels so familiar. And it’s not just a strong sense of TV nostalgia – ABC is pushing the connection in all sorts of “find the hidden message” ways. Like the breadcrumbs ABC often leaves behind between Lost seasons, FlashForward already has ample cross-media content, including one website set up to help people connect their images of the future with others from around the world. If you feel moved enough to watch tonight for yourself, keep an eye out for the direct, unspoken Lost shoutout that happens early in the episode and makes you wonder if ABC wishes it were more like a comic-book empire.

My biggest concern is that FlashForward is too essentially derivative to escape the myriad problems that Lost continues to suffer from. The collision of many individual stories seems to be the storytelling cliché of this decade (see Love Actually, Crash, Syriana, and Lost among others), but network television has yet to demonstrate its capacity for escaping the inherent flaws of the form. On Lost, that weakness was initially the show’s strength – with so many stories to tell, the revelation that each story was actually a part of someone else’s background felt exciting and unexpected, and made it easy to build suspense and cliffhangers into each episode. Over the long term, as so many people have begun to complain, the formula became too rigid, and the absurdity of constant answerless-questions grew immensely frustrating and then almost boring. As promising as the interlaced plot (or as FlashForward itself has termed it, the mosaic) may be, its sustainability over the long term has not proven successful.

I will keep watching, because I am nothing if not a plot junkie. But I worry that FlashForward has copied from the success of Lost without also learning from its failures.

There were a few things about this week’s premiere of the new show Glee that didn’t thrill me. The premise still seems to lend itself far more readily to a movie than a full-length TV show, and I’m having a hard time imagining how the triumph of a high school Glee Club spins itself out into a full-length, densely plotted season of television. On soap opera high school shows like Gossip Girl, there’s a predetermined story in the will-they-won’t-they of the lead characters, but the surrounding story is far more open to surprise twists, unexpected hook-ups, and intrigue. On episodic high school shows from days of yore (I’m looking at you, Boy Meets World), something bad would happen, it would resolve, and then the whole thing would start over.

My concern about a show like Glee is that everything seems predetermined. It’s not just that the main characters will eventually get together and be happy, and thus require a new conflict to stew about, it’s that every aspect of the premise has its inevitable satisfactory end already built in. The Glee Club director will figure out his marriage is unhappy, break up with his wife, and then get together with the guidance counselor. The wife will then get together with the gym teacher, who is clearly more aware of his role as a provider (which is obviously what she wants). And of course, the Glee Club will eventually triumph over the Cheerios, going on to win Nationals and although they may not attain school-wide popularity, they’ll learn to love themselves in spite of their quirks. The end.

Glee Club vs. Cheerleaders - the epic struggle continues

Which is not to say that the show has to be that way. I loved the pilot, thought the second episode was strong, and will certainly keep watching, if for no other reason than I am a giant sucker for enthusiastically choreographed song-and-dance numbers.* Plus, Jane Lynch is hilarious. But I would love nothing more than to discover that they have a different place to take me than the ending we can all see coming a mile away. At the moment, the only plotline that looks like it will develop outside the pilot premise is the faked-pregnancy plot, which after the success of Baby Mama and the disastrous Lindsay Lohan debacle Labor Pains, I hope we can all agree is no longer funny or interesting. One step in the right direction would be to further develop the other members of the Glee Club, so that the group was more than just two main characters and a handful of stereotypes. Were I writing this show, I might also consider the inclusion of a third club to break up the good vs. evil, cheerleaders vs. glee club dynamic, because that polarity doesn’t easily lead to complicated, thoughtful plot scenarios.

Glee Club director, guidance counselor, (brilliant, hilarious) cheerleading coach

In spite of my trepidations, though – I like Glee. I like its odd mixture of snark and sincerity, I like that it doesn’t look or sound like anything else on television right now, and at the end of the day, I will always like a talented, heartfelt performance of 80s power ballads. I can only hope that as the show goes on, I’ll be able to like it without the nagging sense that I’m enjoying it despite my better critical judgment.

*Strangely, this weakness only exists in the context of fictional stories, and does not translate over into any of the many singing or dancing reality show extravaganzas. Take your American Idols and So You Think You Can Dances, and leave me my Rogers and Hammerstein musical any day of the week.

I know I wrote yesterday that I had no plans to blog about the new Melrose Place, but then I watched it. And now I feel it is unfair to deprive the world of any opportunity to appreciate this glorious, glorious show. So I’ve decided to reinterpret my total ignorance about the original incarnation of Melrose Place as an advantage, allowing me to understand and value this new version without any cloud of previous judgment. Here, then, is a recap of last night’s premiere of Melrose Place.

While out partying at his friend Auggie’s restaurant, David gets a text message from their landlady, Sydney, who is in trouble. Although he claims to have moved on, David rushes home to be with Sydney (in, you know, the biblical sense) after she tells him she has done something “really, really bad.” I wish I could tell you the dialogue gets better than that, but… no. The next morning, two other residents of the building, Jonah and Riley, wake up and celebrate their five-year anniversary. At first Riley is angry because she thinks Jonah forgot, but then aspiring-filmmaker Jonah turns on the television to play her the cutesy video he made of them happily bouncing around with various props (swimming pool, feathers). When the video’s done, Riley turns to discover Jonah on his knee, proposing to her. Before she can say yes –

Melrose Place: From "will you marry me?" to "AIIEEEEE DEAD BODY IN THE POOL!" in less than a second

A scream comes from the courtyard outside! And they rush out to discover Sydney, floating facedown in the pool in a cloud of blood! All the attractive residents of Melrose Place gather around, and their blank, blank faces supposedly indicate shock. While the hot people discuss the possible motives for murdering Sydney (and the motives seem legion), bisexual publicist and fellow Melrose Place-resident Ella reminds aspiring-filmmaker Jonah that he has to leave to be a videographer for a famous director’s daughter’s birthday party. Riley starts to leave for work, and Jonah asks her what her answer is to his incredibly ill-timed marriage proposal, and Riley acts a little squirrely before demanding a day to think about it.

Outside in the courtyard, Auggie mournfully tells creepy new apartment-mate Violet that Sydney convinced him he could be a real chef, and then everyone realizes David has been taken in for police questioning. Bisexual publicist Ella springs David out of jail by telling the police she spent the night with him. Glowy flashbacks inform us that Sydney used to sleep with David’s dad. And then, of course, David’s dad pulls up outside the police station in one of those cars where the door opens by sliding upward. They argue about how they both had sex with a murder victim.

Meanwhile, on a very special Melrose Place/­­Grey’s Anatomy crossover episode, hot Asian med student Lauren gets a call from her dad say he’s been laid off and can no longer afford to pay her tuition. Then a hot guy asks her out, but she’s, you know, sad now.

Over at My Super Sweet 16, Jonah pitches his short film to the birthday girl’s famous director father, who laughs him away. Weirdly, there are Bollywood dancers everywhere. Then Jonah accidentally films the famous director father making out with the birthday girl’s best friend. Whoops! Famous director adulterer offers Jonah a ridiculous amount of money and a screenplay to bury the footage. Moral conflict!!

Riley and hot med student Lauren discuss their love lives. Riley has doubts about marrying Jonah, who she worries is immature. Lauren is poor, and also doesn’t feel like going out on this date. Riley lends Lauren some cute shoes, though, so that solves that problem.

Glowy flashbacks courtesy of every daytime soap opera ever

Skipping back to the murdered landlord plot, David tells Auggie that he’s worried he may have actually killed Sydney, but that he blacked out and doesn’t remember. Auggie reassures David that someone else did it, and they need to be brought to justice. More glowy flashbacks inform us that Sydney only slept with David to get back at David’s father for leaving her. Ewwwwww.

Med student Lauren is having a nice date with the hot guy from the hospital, but then he offers her $5,000 to pay her tuition in exchange for sleeping with him. She blows him off, but creepy new apartment-mate Violet points out that money is better than your self-image. Facing the exact same money vs. self-image problem, Jonah comes home all upset about the bribe from famous director father, and tells Riley he refused the money. Riley decides this means he’s a grown-up, and agrees to marry him.

All the attractive residents of Melrose Place gather outside in memory of their stabbed-to-death landlady, and while their champagne glasses are raised in a toast, Jonah decides to announce he and Riley are getting married. To auspicious beginnings!

We are left at the end with a final dramatic montage: bisexual publicist Ella makes out with a girl from a bar. Riley and Jonah have hot bathtub sex. Med student Lauren goes to the hot guy’s hotel room in order to prostitute herself for tuition money! Creepy new apartment-mate Violet surreptitiously puts the framed memorial portrait of Sydney in her purse! Auggie burns a bloody chef’s uniform in a dark alleyway! And finally, in the strangest montage scenes ever, David selects a fictional nineteenth-century landscape painting out of an auction catalogue, and then appears to pull off a million-dollar art heist.

Just your standard montage - bathtub sex, hotel hallway of moral decay, art theft - wait, WHAT?

So clearly, I was wrong to dismiss this amazing piece of television artistry. Did Auggie kill Sydney? How many shots of Ella making out with other women are necessary before we get over her sexuality? Will Lauren drop out of med school to become Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? Does Violet have a Victorian-esque obsession with photographs of dead people? And of course, how is David able to sell such fictionally renowned paintings on the black market? How did he even get into that museum without setting off the alarms? WHY IS THERE AN ART THEFT PLOT IN THIS SHOW?!

Stay tuned next week, for the new exciting installment of –! Oh nevermind.

Whooo fall season fall season fall season fall season! I am pumped!

My pumped-ness is a little premature, sadly, because the majority of the new fall season beginning this week is on the CW. I have a long and tragically traumatized relationship with the CW, dating back to its launch in 2002, my obsession with the first season of Veronica Mars, and the subsequent failure of that show. That experience aside, I have nothing else seriously against the network other than its persistent veneer of trashiness, but it’s not like it’s VH1 or anything. Through no subsequent fault of their own, I will just always have a slightly negative reaction to their lime-green logo. Anyway, CW programming is new this week, so I will be blogging about it, including the zombie-like return of America’s Next Top Model and the new Vampire Diaries pilot. (No current plans to write about the new Melrose Place, largely because I never watched the original and therefore feel unqualified.)

Dean and Sam Winchester (confusingly for those Gilmore Girls fans out there, Jared Padalecki plays Sam, not Dean)

The CW show I’m most excited for this week I actually will not be blogging about – the dark and twisty monster mash Supernatural is coming back for its fifth season. It was one of those show I’d never gotten around to watching, and then it was already several seasons in and required many hours of catch-up, and was too easy to shelve for later. Recently, though, I started watching from the beginning in the hopes of being on track for the fifth season premiere, but I’m still two seasons behind and it’s just not going to happen. I hope to be fully caught-up by next week or the week after, but for now, some impressions on what I’ve seen so far and why I’m excited for the future.

Supernatural deals with the life of Sam and Dean Winchester, two brothers who inherit a career of demon hunting from their hard-boiled father. Particularly in the beginning of the show, it’s your standard monster-of-the-week format, as the Winchesters travel from town to town in search of spirits, werewolves, vampires, zombies, any ghoul with a legendary past, and pretty much whatever goes bump in the night. From what I’ve seen so far, the show isn’t perfect, and there’s a noticeably frequent pattern at the end of many episodes that goes something like this –

Dean: You hold him off, I’ll go salt and burn the bones!

Sam: GAHHH!!! [Spirit hurls him against wall, approaches menacingly]

Dean: Damnit, where are they? [Digs frantically into nearby gravesite]

Sam: GAHHARRRCHHnnnnn – [Spirit continues to approach, constricts windpipe]

Dean: Die, you bastard. [Pours salt and lights match in dramatic slow motion]

Sam: nnnnnnGASP GASP GASP [At the last second spirit bursts into flames and is dead]

Monster of the week

But there’s so much endearing about Supernatural that I’ve been more than willing to keep watching. For one, it’s been clear from the beginning that there’s a long arc plotline meant to anchor the episodic stories into a larger scheme. Sam’s burgeoning psychic abilities and the continued hunt for the demon who killed their mother pop up at regular-enough intervals that it’s easy to stay focused on the bigger issues at hand. For another, Sam and Dean’s relationship develops in appealingly complicated ways, neither predictably antagonistic nor tiresomely sentimental. The plausible, recognizable dynamic of their brotherly relationship is a nice counterweight to the perpetually appearing monsters.

I have a feeling that the third and fourth season will go the way I want them to – there will be more emphasis on the long plot, the world of their fellow hunters will grow more familiar, and their enemies will become long-term foes rather than short-lived baddies to destroy and forget. Fingers crossed, but in any case – whoo fall season! Also, if anyone tells me what happens on Supernatural this week, I’m going to be pissed.