While trolling around lists of Christmas specials, I happened across something called Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas, which I had never seen before but which apparently had Muppets in it. “Muppets,” I thought. “That’s gotta be at least a little interesting.” So I sat down with David and Laura and made them watch with me and comment while watching.
They hate me a little now.
First, a little plot summary, and then some images accompanied by our comments as we watched the special. Ma and Emmet Otter are living alone after the death of Pa Otter, and are struggling to make ends meet. They sing about how important it is to not have holes in their washtubs. They sing about how sad they are that Pa Otter died. Then, they discover that there’s a contest in town with a prize of $50 dollars, and both Ma and Emmet decide to enter so they can buy each other Christmas presents. In order to enter, though, Ma pawns their toolbox and Emmet has to put a hole in the washtub so he can play in the jug band. While both of their acts are good (Emmet, of course, plays in a Jug Band), they are ousted at the last moment by a seventies rock band called The Nightmare. Saddened, Ma and Emmet head home without either prize money or the tools of their trade. On the way, they realize their songs would work well together, and as they sing the newly combined song, the judge of the contest offers them a job singing at his restaurant. The End.
Laura: Oh man. That singing is not nice to listen to.
Kathryn: Aww, look at their cute little hats though. Okay, wow, this is a song about bathing suits. Giant bathing suits.
Laura: I don’t think I could probably describe what is happening now.
Kathryn: Here it goes: two otters in a rowboat are singing about bathing suits.
David: “From the one bathing suit that your grandma otter wore …
Laura: …it’s about the bathing suit his grandmother used to wear??
Laura: Oh god. This is way too depressing. I can’t handle this.
Kathryn: This is a recession-era Christmas special.
David: Oedipus otter?
Laura: Definitely.
David: “Sometimes you even sound like your paw.”
Kathryn: Hehehe, “paw.”
Laura: Her skirts are flying up.
David: I thought she was going to go down that slide and land on top of her son.
Laura: Gross.
David: Kind of like those scenes in rom-coms when the two leads accidentally make physical contact.
Laura: Oh of course there’s a contest.
Kathryn: Of course it’s on Christmas Eve.
Laura: A JUG BAND CONTEST, perchance?
David: “Well it’s going to be a long night.” – truer words have ne’er been spoken. Now they’re just tossing puppets around.
Laura: Interesting choreography with puppets is very difficult.
David: Kill me.
Laura: Why did you make us watch this, Kathryn?!?
Kathryn: I love you guys
Laura: The hoooligans!!
Kathryn: Oh man, they have fancy lights and seventies sparkle capes!
Laura: This is terrible.
Kathryn: What?! WHAT?!
Laura: They shouldn’t be able to play, they’re from river bottom and not waterville.
Kathryn: And how could a snake possibly play a guitar?! I seriously do not understand how this band is in the same Christmas special as the jug band – they are two totally different paradigms.
Kathryn: The Nightmare Band won, and they have no tools and no washtub and they will starve to death. What will they do now?
David: Learn the true meaning of Christmas?
Laura: This is officially the most depressing thing i’ve ever seen.
David: I hope they fall through the ice and die.
David: Sweet and final hour? God this would have been a sweet hour if I hadn’t started this christmas special. I’m not getting this time back.
Laura: Not ever ever.
David: I feel like I want it to be my final hour.
Kathryn: Wacka wacka.