Santa: Non-Conformist

I’m turning today to another classic Christmas special, the 1970 Rankin-Bass production of Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. It’s one I’ve perpetually seen on television since I don’t know when, and when I think of a “Christmas TV special,” the odd wooden figures and jerky movements of this production are what inevitably come to mind. Weirdly, though, until today I had never actually watched it all the way through. I can remember seeing it and constantly changing the channel without ever wondering what it was actually about, and now that I’ve sat down to watch, I can tell you: it’s pretty trippy. On the assumption that you’re also in the dark on this one, let’s get a recap.

Special Delivery Kluger

First off, it’s narrated and sung by Fred Astaire, and Mickey Rooney is the voice of Kris Kringle/Santa Claus. Apparently Mickey Rooney wasn’t that into tunefulness at this point, so poor Kris Kringle has to sing-talk his way through the hour, but Fred Astaire as the postman narrator isn’t bad. The plot is essentially a Santa Claus origin story, which in my mind puts Santa Claus on the same mythic level as Batman or The Hulk, and that seems appropriate. After a great fake newsreel explaining that children across the world are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa, the wooden figurines take over and we’re introduced to our oddly named narrator, Special Delivery Kluger. He’s delivering letters to Santa, and explains that while most letters include lists, many letters also include questions like “Why do you wear a red coat?” and “Why do you have whiskers?” and “Why do you come down the chimney?” We then launch into the whole Santa back story, where each of these questions will be answered with varying degrees of strain to the plot. (And very little historical accuracy. Please see the impressive Wikipedia article or David Sedaris’ short story “Six to Eight Black Men” for more.)

Burgermeister Meisterburger and the kindly elves who just happen to wear Santa outfits

In his infancy, Santa is abandoned as a baby on the doorsteps of the fabulously named Burgermeister Meisterburger, the cantankerous mayor of Sombertown. Unsurprisingly, baby Santa is kicked out and his sleigh is blown by the four winds past the Winter Warlock’s mountain and then carried by adorable woodland creatures to the home of a family of kindly toymaking elves. They adopt him and give him the name Kris Kringle, and clothe him in their traditional elf garb of a red coat trimmed with white fur (elves, toys, Santa outfit, check, check, check.) Kris Kringle grows to adulthood and discovers that his elfin family has been making toys for years and simply throwing them in a giant pile out back because the evil Winter Warlock prevents them from delivering the toys to Sombertown. This has got to be the oddest plot point ever – seriously, they just make toys and throw them out the window for years and years? Anyhow, Kris decides that’s silly and goes to deliver them himself. He melts the heart of the Winter Warlock by giving him a toy train and heads over the mountain (toy delivery, check.)

Just a big pile of toys outside! Why on earth would they keep making them?!

Jessica and her cartoon reflection

You will be shocked to discover that Burgermeister Meisterburger, mayor of Sombertown, is not a huge fan of toys. Kris starts to hand them out, but is distressed by the hilariously Dickensian children of Sombertown and admonishes them to be cheerful. Outraged by the increase in joy, Burgermeister immediately bans all toys from the village, which forces Kris to deliver them secretly during the night, and when Burgermister then requires all doors be locked at night, Kris figures out how to deliver the toys anyway by slipping down the chimney (better not pout, nighttime delivery, bizarre chimney entrance, check, check, check). Blah de blah, Kris falls in love with the local schoolteacher, who sings a creepy song and does some Sandy-from-Grease narcissistic fountain gazing.

I love the children of Sombertown. They have prematurely grey hair, and sad sad eyes, and they have to wash clothes all day long.

Next thing you know, Burgermeister Meisterburger throws Kris in jail, and the schoolteacher (who has the incongruous name Jessica) seeks help from the Winter Warlock. He feeds some helpful reindeer with magical feed corn (seriously? Magical feed corn?), which allows them to fly, and somehow (not quite sure how), this gets Kris out of jail. He’s still wanted by the tenacious police force of Sombertown, though, so he grows a big beard to decrease his resemblance to widely-circulated Wanted posters (whiskers, check).

The beard actually does very little to disguise his face. Maybe it would fool Steven Seagal, but probably no one else.

Let’s sum up. At this point, Santa is a felon, who grows his infamous beard as a way of hiding from law enforcement. And tellingly, when Burgermeister Meisterburger throws Santa in jail, he angrily describes Kris as a “non-conformist.” After his jailbreak, Santa and Jessica get married and flee with the elves to the far north. Think about it: it’s 1970. Is Santa a conscientious objector who runs to Canada to escape the Vietnam War? Am I taking this too far?

In any case, after the death of Burgermeister Meisterburger, Santa is eventually vindicated by history and becomes the beloved peacenik we all know today. Oddly political, strangely adult Christmas specials will continue next week with A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All.